![]() Things are not always as we would like them to be, nor do plans always work out our way. Such humility is a bridge to the letting go of regret. Humility leads us to commit ourselves to admitting our mistakes and making amends for anything we have done that may have hurt others. Recalling our big mistakes in life is a way of staying humble, the virtuous flower that blooms from the bud of yes. ![]() We learn not to do it that way next time. We say yes to our imperfection and accept our mistakes. ![]() They do not have to lead to regret or shame. They show us paths that humble us, startle us, and point us to new horizons. They are ingredients of and directions to discovery. It is saying: “I let go of more than any fate can take.”Įrror and errancy are not tragedies. The alternative is hubris: “I can always get it right I am better than other people.” Enlightenment is ordinariness loved, amor fati. The Bhagavad Gita says: “Even a little progress is complete freedom from fear.” Can I be satisfied with that as my style? As long as I am doing my best most of the time and can let things happen as they happen and then do the best I can with them, I am perfectly human, and that is a supreme achievement. In a world in which I may not do or finish anything perfectly or get anything permanently right, it makes sense to let go of the need for perfection. Can that become palatable? Can that be appreciated as somehow useful to our becoming people of character, depth, and compassion? Then to complain is to have missed the point. Life is unpredictable and not at our beck and call. All our hopes for the future are not coming true. We did not have a perfect childhood or a perfect adolescence, and we are not having a perfect adulthood. Maybe we don’t fit psychology’s definition of “well-adjusted,” or maybe we didn’t benefit from healthy emotional development. Being an adult means living with life’s conditions in an allowing way. To grow into adulthood means that we accept the givens of life as they are, and this helps us accept ourselves as we are. Or are we angry that the givens make us keep having to grow up? Our comfort is in our commitment to deal with what happens and make the best of it. Perhaps we believe there is no plan at all and “them’s the breaks.” As adults we do not console ourselves with promises of a silver lining on every cloud or a Shangri-la in any land. Perhaps we believe the universe has a plan that more accurately reflects our emerging destiny. It can make us excited that something spiritual-that is, unconjured by ego-may be afoot. This does not have to leave us crestfallen. In fact, though, life often does not proceed according to our plans. Making plans is an adult occupation, a feature of the healthy ego. Yes is a healthy response to the human condition. But as Robert Burns says to a mouse: “The best-laid schemes of mice and men oft go astray and leave us naught but grief and pain for promised joy.” We know now that a yes to life is a yes to grief and pain, since all the conditions of existence represent losses and disappointments. We can flow into the natural chaos of life-so untidy, so unpredictable-or we can try to order life fully by making careful plans. The unruly givens of life are permissions not to be perfect. Perfect discipline, or perfect control, is the best way to miss out on the joy of life. We may act with precision, and self-discipline, expecting the world to follow suit and grant us our reward. We are challenged by life’s “mind of its own” to let go of having things come out our way. Perhaps we fear natural happenings, things turning out contrary to our wishes. We make plans expecting to be in control of what will happen. Things don’t always go according to our plans, but a change of plans may be an example of synchronicity, the mysterious set of coincidental circumstances that lead us to a life fulfillment unguessed and unsought-other words for grace. Her original plans were dashed by a tragic event, but thereby she found her true calling. Her voice became so well trained that she was hired to sing in a band, and soon thereafter, she found parts in movies, changing her name to Doris Day. Doris, during her long homebound recuperation, began to sing along with the female vocalists on the radio. She had planned to go to Hollywood to become a dancer in films, but her injuries made that future no longer possible. In the early 1940s, on the night of her graduation party, a high school girl named Doris Van Kappelhoff was involved in a serious car accident.
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